Review

I've been thinking today and looking over all the progress we've made in the last year. In the hospital. I think we were just in shock and sort of in a fantasy land. I guess this is probably a defense mechanism protecting us from dealing with the reality of our situation. I was unconscious for 10 days. The next 20 days were spent fighting off the demons that morphine brings. The second 30 days we were moved to Santa Clara Valley Medical Center, which was like spinal cord injury heaven. Things were so easy when we were there, the staff was so positive, and I believe it was by design that stress was kept to a minimum so that we could learn what we needed to learn. The days were packed with learning how to care for me and how to direct my care. We were definitely on a pink cloud when we discharged. Chaos reigned as soon as we got home. We had medications and supplies strewn all over our house. People were coming and going and offering to help, but we were either too proud or too in denial to accept. My partner tried to do everything which lasted about three weeks. Then it all fell apart. The next six months were quite hectic. Colleen moved out and I grabbed on to anyone that I thought could help me. I had never felt so vulnerable in all my life. I pretty much let people run rampant through the house because I felt powerless. Colleen was so angry with me and so hurt. I didn't believe that we could make it with my disability. Things were really awful. I cried just about every day. At some point I was able to take her perspective and understand how things had gotten so out of hand. Thankfully I was able to get Colleen to come back. Slowly but surely we got our house back to somewhat what it used to be like and we had to change caregivers. We changed a lot of things. Now it is almost like it used to be pre-injury. When I look back at all the changes we went through I realize that it was par for the course. We didn't know how to cope with the change in our lives. We could hardly look at one another because it was so painful. Questions of "what if?" and "why me?" plagued us. To be honest, they still do, but today, looking back, I am proud of how strong we've been and the progress we've made. I will have to keep this in perspective as I face the future because it will certainly be even more manageable as time goes by. I guess this is a universal truth when dealing with struggles. Somehow we get through it. Over time things get better.